UNDERWOOD UNDERSTOOD

I’ll be FRANK. I’m not a big Pinot Noir fan, let alone one packaged in a can. But check out the UNDERWOOD wine label! What a perfect wine to drink as Season 5 of HOUSE OF CARDS launches today!

I got hooked on the series and binge watched all four seasons at once thus leaving me high and dry for months as I eagerly awaited the debut of Season 5. I can only imagine what new depths of depravity FRANK UNDERWOOD will dip to. And along with his equally cunning wife CLAIRE, politics UNDER the UNDERWOOD regime are sure to prove far more nefarious than we can even begin to imagine.

Frank Underwood in can

UNDERWOOD Pinot Noir is FRANK UNDERWOOD in vinous form. Its sheer violet hue is hypnotic. Its gossamer shimmer draws you in much like a silken spider web whose delicate wispiness belies its fatal purpose.

Stick your nose into this Pinot Noir and initially you are engulfed in blackness: black plum, blackberry and black raspberry, all tightly interwoven with a whisper of creamy vanilla. But dive in deeper and the dark forest fungal funk that UNDERgirds this wine will grip your senses a la FRANK UNDERWOOD.  Is it no wonder his initials are F.U.? Don’t let his honeyed words and smooth southern drawl fool you. Once he has you captive, that acidic bite will whip you speechless.

Think that’s ominous enough? Hold on and give UNDERWOOD Pinot Gris a gander. Pour this elegant champagne hued wine in a tall flute to admire its shimmery gold with a hint of blush pink. Much like CLAIRE UNDERWOOD’s statuesque fair beauty, this Pinot Gris in its flaxen luminosity simply glimmers in a tall glass.

Claire Underwood in can

But get a little closer and you’ll be greeted with a steely gaze beneath that lovely exterior. Like the femme fatale who entices then entraps, UNDERWOOD Pinot Gris’ initial heavenly citrus and pear scents subversively morph into a vinous Hades of dank earth and decaying UNDERgrowth. Oy, that trademark Oregonian fungal funk. For me, it repulses yet captivates.

On the palate this Pinot Gris is lean and angular with a surprising bracing acidity, much like CLAIRE UNDERWOOD’S persona. Pinot Gris is often considered a neutral and approachable wine, the vinous equivalent to matte beige interior paint. But looks can be deceiving. Much as CLAIRE UNDERWOOD can hold her own against her conniving husband, so does this UNDERWOOD Pinot Gris. Don’t assume this is an UNDERdog. It makes an indelible impact.

So there you have it, my review of UNDERWOOD canned wine. It’s surprisingly decent despite its unconventional packaging. If all you can offer is tepid canned applause, keep in mind UNDERWOOD wines are available in bottles to keep wine purists appeased.

And as HOUSE OF CARDS Season 5 gets UNDERway, UNDERstand that UNDERwood is UNDERrated…and oh so dangerous!

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